At some times in my life, I have. For the majority of my years, however, I haven’t made the time. Following those periods, I have then felt the severe guilt at never keeping up. In fact, many of my journal entries begin with, “I know it has been a long time since I wrote…”, and then the next several pages are filled with detailed and boring information in an effort to “catch up”.
I think the problem is this: I love to write (not that I pretend to think I am any good at it), but I hate monotony. I have never been good at anything I have to do every day.
So I have had this epiphany, so to speak, that instead of feeling the need to sit down at the end of every day and write down everything I did that day, and everything I felt, I am going to simply write about a memory from my life. Maybe it will be a recent one, perhaps an old one (I am 30 after all, some of my memories are so old-hee hee).
The idea came partly from my awesome mother and partly from the lame but addicting TV show “The Ghost Whisperer” (yes, I just threw up a little after having admitted that).
You see, I think there is a reason we remember what we do. I, for one, have an absolutely horrid memory. My grandma Betty, my dad, and my sister Keri have the ability to remember every minute detail of what seems like random, unimportant things. Oh, I wish I could do that. I literally tear myself up inside thinking that I will forget my memories.
I know some things I can never forget, such as the smell of my grandma Hoskins house, (i.e. yeasty, warm rolls) , or the way my grandpa Bill gives hugs (i.e. pounds your back in a way that has on more than one occasion LITERALLY taken my breath away). Those things are the most important, I understand. But I do not want to forget little details, like the cute things Rylan says or the over-abundant goody-bags grandma Betty makes for me and my children whenever we drive from Utah to Iowa.
Sure, maybe those things are not that important to some people, but they are to me. Those are the moments that make up my life. And if I do not write them down, I know I will forget many of them. That breaks my heart.
I really want to have something written so that someday my children, grandchildren, or whoever is interested, can sit down and read my thoughts in an effort to really know me. To know how the things I experienced in life affected me. Because to know that, is to understand who I truly am. What I would give to go into the minds of my grandparents, parents, or siblings to see the world the way they have.
Perhaps no one will read this, and that is okay too. Because I know someday, I will. And I will be thankful I recorded these things.
Not all experiences will be good, but I think those bad experiences are just as important to remember as the good, so that we can remember the lessons we learned from them.
So I am making a goal to try and write down one memory a day. I cannot make any promises as to the accuracy (aforementioned memory problem), but I will record these experiences the way they exist in my heart.
I hope you enjoy my life. I have.
Memory #1
Written July 23, 2010
I remember…The day I was born. Just kidding, I don’t remember that.
Okay, now I’ll be serious. I remember… going horseback riding with Jon, Alyssa, Keri, and Seth. Yes, I admit, I am choosing a memory from 2 weeks ago. Pathetic. But I had to start somewhere and it is something I want to remember so there you go.
It all started one night when I got a call from my brother Jon. You have to understand, I NEVER get calls from my brother Jon. And I have to tell you, when I hear his voice on the phone, it makes me miss him so much. I have grown to love Jon deeply over the past few years. I cannot even say when our relationship changed from “I hate my annoying sibling” to “I would do anything for that man”.
Anyway, Jon called me one night. Seth was at work and I was home watching television. When I picked up the phone, Jon asked me if Seth and I wanted to go horseback riding in Logan Canyon through Beaver Creek Lodge. Instantly the idea got me so excited. Two seconds later I knew we could not afford it. I have been staying home with our babies for almost two years and the lack of two incomes has finally caught up to us.
Because I could not bear to tell my brother I could not go because of something as dumb as money, I told him I would talk to Seth and call him back. I got off the phone and cried for some time before working up the energy to call Seth. I told him he would have to call Jon to tell him we could not go. I could not bring myself to do it. It seems silly now at how hard this was, but at the time I was really torn up.
Seth called Jon later that night from work and Jon told him “Don’t worry, you are going. We’ll take care of it”. Man, even now I’m starting to bawl about it. Anyway, when Seth told me that, I felt really bad at first. Like a failure, if I’m completely honest. It was really hard for me to accept Jon and Alyssa’s gift. My dumb pride. But in the end, we did accept their gift and I am so thankful we did.
I know money is often a taboo topic to speak of, especially in my family. I know it may be inappropriate to write all of this, and hopefully it does not bother Jon and Alyssa, but their generosity really touched me. They gave me the opportunity to experience a wonderful day, with a few of my favorite people, in one of my favorite places on this earth—-the mountains.
The trip started with us running late, and me feeling all anxious inside (thanks to the Brad Burr genes) about the thought of being 3 minutes late. Jon drove and I thought for sure I would get sick (no offense Jon) but surprisingly, I didn’t.
What made me sick, was when I first got on the horse. Seriously. It was so high up there I got nervous and a little dizzy at first. Although this was not my first experience with horseback riding, it had been a long enough time that I had forgotten how big they are.
The dizziness passed soon enough and it was so fun to see the five of us set out on our 3 hour journey up the mountainside.
The view was breathtaking the entire time. I grew up around these same mountains, gone camping in them countless times. But it is amazing how you never really get used to the raw beauty and majesty of them. I told my mom they made you feel “appropriately small” and I do not simply mean physically.
We rode the horses up and each of us got our fair share of close encounters of the “tree” kind, but we all fared all right. There was a moment of terror for me at the top of the mountain when our horses were led to a watering hole and the guide explained how to prevent our horses from rolling in the water with us still attached. Luckily, my horse maverick wasn’t thirsty.
My favorite part of the journey was at the top when we were traveling through a meadow. At this particular point you could look out at the mountain ranges in the distance and it felt as though we were looking at a picture or watching it in a movie. Real life couldn’t look and feel like this, could it?
Traveling down the mountain was a little frightening but we made it. I was a little tense about the chance of seeing a bear (one of my worst fears and a constant companion in my nightmares) or a mountain lion. Interestingly, the only thing I saw was a squirrel. Really, a squirrel? I could walk out at any point in time from my house in Iowa and see a squirrel. They are everywhere. But our lack of wildlife visualization was okay since two days later Seth and I saw 4 moose while traveling through the same canyon.
So the trip ended, and I have to say, sitting on a horse for three straight hours is not easy. My knees were so fixed into their position that I could not get off my horse. I honestly could not. So my big hunk of a husband came and just lifted me off. Just like it was nothing. Of course, my knees were locked into position so I was curled into a ball until he helped me to stand. Thank goodness for my corn-fed Iowa love.
After the ride we went to LeBeau’s near bear lake where Alyssa reported that this was the best part of the day. Really, the whole day was perfect in my mind and the more I think about it, the more I love the experience.
Here are the things I learned from this experience:
1. I actually like horseback riding.
2. My brother Jon is a good man (and if it’s not too creepy to say—he has also turned into a hotty somehow).
3. My sister Keri owns a cute cowgirl hat.
4. Alyssa has the knack for choosing a slow horse with gastrointestinal issues.
5. I will never stop feeling an overwhelming awe when in the mountains.
6. I can count on my family whenever I need them, even if I feel undeserving.
No comments:
Post a Comment